Sunday, June 27, 2010

A moment

It's almost 8 on saturday morning. I've already started making wedding cakes so that I'm not panicking thursday. I'm back laying in bed. This week I have realized I hate asking for help. I hate needing help. I like to do things all on my own and God forbid I need anyone but myself to accomplish any task that comes up during the day.

I realized this with wedding stuff this week. I was more than a little overwhelmed. I was venting to Levi about what I had to get done and how there wasn't enough time to do anything and see people I wanted to see. He said I should ask for help... What?... no.... I can do this all on my own, doesn't he know that? I am that good, I don't need help. He finally made some threat about asking for help if I didn't...

SO I texted my friend Jacque who is getting married soon too. She said she would be happy to help. What? I'm always surprised when people are willing to help me. I'm not sure why. But low and behold Jacque was at my doorstep at 6:30 on thursday night. And we had so much fun chatting and working on my wedding programs! It's fun!

Now I kinda wish I had asked more people for help, it makes the task at hand seem more relaxed. But maybe I have just had an awesome lesson in understanding that I DO need help sometimes and it's okay to ask for help. It's okay.

Sunday, June 13, 2010


It’s 11:07 now. 11:08. PM that is. I can’t sleep. I can’t even close my eyes. The Internet is down here at home. Everyone else is in bed asleep. I can’t sleep.

A weekend from… the black lagoon. Or something. It started out promising. Our church, Church for the Harvest hosted a beautiful couples shower for Levi and I. We had delicious cheesecake with meat, cheese, and crackers. It was fun having the men there too. Some of the church families went in together to put together enough money for Levi and I to buy our first tent! We were (and are) so blessed by the shower and our friends. After we went out to Perkins with the usual crowd. We had a great time chatting. Then we were headed back to Levi’s house to order the tent we picked out MONTHS ago from REI.

We were on highway 27 and there were shiny eyes ahead of us about 100 yards maybe. Deer? No, there were too many… A whole family of raccoons? Maybe… We realized they weren’t that far in front of us, they were actually quite close, we slammed on the breaks as we saw a heard of about 10 cows standing in the middle of the road. We didn’t even see them! But how could we, it was pitch black and they were black.

What? Cows? This is dangerous; we should call the police before there is an accident. I called my mom to get the police phone number because it wasn’t a 911 emergency. I was about to hang up and Levi was going to try to shoo them off the road as we saw lights come around the corner in front of us. Levi slid back into his seat and said oh no. I told him to flash his brights at the on coming car. I told my mom the other car was slowing down, it looked like it was. Mom, no, they’re not slowing down! My blood went cold and I began to scream.

It was like nothing I have ever experienced. The raw panic of knowing the car wasn’t slowing down and the cows weren’t moving. I can still hear the sound of the cows being hit, being bowled over, being smashed here as I lay in my bed. A cow rolled over the top of the smashed Impala. I couldn’t stop screaming. The cows scattered everywhere. The car didn’t start to slow down till after it hit the cows. It slit to a stop. Levi was gone. I couldn’t get out of the car, I was paralyzed with fear. I called 911, hello yes (sobs) where am I? highway 27 (more sobbing) they hit the cows, the cows, they have broken legs, they have to be put down (and more sobbing). I didn’t know that Levi had already called it in. I looked out the window and there stood a cow, by now the police were arriving, the cow stood in the middle of the road with a broken leg, panting so hard it’s tongue has hanging out, shaking. My heart was so broken in so many ways. The pain of knowing that cow’s don’t heal from broken legs, they’re killed if they have broken legs. The pain of knowing that this farmer is going to be awoke to a nightmare. His living, his pets, his passions were smashed along highway 27 in the dead of the night. That farmer had the responsibility to the cattle to make sure they were locked up at night, but he didn’t want this to happen. There is no one you could blame, there was nothing that could have been done at this point, it had happened.

The people were okay, shook up, but okay. An ambulance came to remove glass from the two people, a man and a woman in their mid-twenties. The woman had been driving and was shook up, the man had been asleep. But they were going to be okay. We were all going to be okay.

Levi was so level headed. He did what needed to be done and he did it bravely and well. The people could have been dead. The cow could have pinned them in their car. It easily could have been us. Praise God that everyone is going to be okay.
Words cannot even begin to describe the panic and terror I felt during the accident.

I made it to bed by 2am. The following day was Saturday. We had a funeral to attend. Cancer had taken the life of a vibrant young man in our church. A son, a husband, a father of 2 young boys. Boys that might not even have a memory of their father. Everything was dying, everything was dead. I have cried this weekend like I have never cried before.

Today was good. Church was good. It was a day of rest. But now I can’t sleep. I feel agitated and restless. I can’t fall asleep. I don’t want to watch a movie, I don’t have a book with me to read, and Internet is down. I guess I’ll lay here.

God IS good and I have a lot to be thankful for. But what a weekend…

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

24 days

We have table decorations! Jewelry is done and ready for purchase! I still need to order shoes. I think now the fun begins. I feel like I can relax a little more and enjoy the last three weeks before the 'big day.' Levi and I cleaned out my apartment last weekend and then I kinda moved back to Villard (I'm not officially out of my apartment till July but it's just too empty now). Not many things are left on the list but I hope they all get done this weekend!

Our Acts class started last night at LCC and I think it's going to be a lot of fun. The people seem nice and the content is very interesting. I'm already looking forward to doing my homework for the week :)

The new iPhone came out on Monday and OOOHHHHH man, I'm already itching to get one :) I think I'll have to talk to AT&T tomorrow to see what can be done about my 2003 krazr (haha)

I went home last night and Rocky our cute Aussie was shaved. I always like the first few days of his summer due. He seems confident and and skinny (what I picture myself as sometimes haha). His big white paws look large and powerful and he seems more energetic. I love listening to my dad say he has to sleep in the house at night because he might freeze, or to keep him in the garage during the first few days because he might get sun burnt (and he actually does). But all in all he looks good, except for his ears which look very much out of place (in a cute way).