A moment

It's almost 8 on saturday morning. I've already started making wedding cakes so that I'm not panicking thursday. I'm back laying in bed. This week I have realized I hate asking for help. I hate needing help. I like to do things all on my own and God forbid I need anyone but myself to accomplish any task that comes up during the day.

I realized this with wedding stuff this week. I was more than a little overwhelmed. I was venting to Levi about what I had to get done and how there wasn't enough time to do anything and see people I wanted to see. He said I should ask for help... What?... no.... I can do this all on my own, doesn't he know that? I am that good, I don't need help. He finally made some threat about asking for help if I didn't...

SO I texted my friend Jacque who is getting married soon too. She said she would be happy to help. What? I'm always surprised when people are willing to help me. I'm not sure why. But low and behold Jacque was at my doorstep at 6:30 on thursday night. And we had so much fun chatting and working on my wedding programs! It's fun!

Now I kinda wish I had asked more people for help, it makes the task at hand seem more relaxed. But maybe I have just had an awesome lesson in understanding that I DO need help sometimes and it's okay to ask for help. It's okay.

Sigh.

It’s 11:07 now. 11:08. PM that is. I can’t sleep. I can’t even close my eyes. The Internet is down here at home. Everyone else is in bed asleep. I can’t sleep.

A weekend from… the black lagoon. Or something. It started out promising. Our church, Church for the Harvest hosted a beautiful couples shower for Levi and I. We had delicious cheesecake with meat, cheese, and crackers. It was fun having the men there too. Some of the church families went in together to put together enough money for Levi and I to buy our first tent! We were (and are) so blessed by the shower and our friends. After we went out to Perkins with the usual crowd. We had a great time chatting. Then we were headed back to Levi’s house to order the tent we picked out MONTHS ago from REI.

We were on highway 27 and there were shiny eyes ahead of us about 100 yards maybe. Deer? No, there were too many… A whole family of raccoons? Maybe… We realized they weren’t that far in front of us, they were actually quite close, we slammed on the breaks as we saw a heard of about 10 cows standing in the middle of the road. We didn’t even see them! But how could we, it was pitch black and they were black.

What? Cows? This is dangerous; we should call the police before there is an accident. I called my mom to get the police phone number because it wasn’t a 911 emergency. I was about to hang up and Levi was going to try to shoo them off the road as we saw lights come around the corner in front of us. Levi slid back into his seat and said oh no. I told him to flash his brights at the on coming car. I told my mom the other car was slowing down, it looked like it was. Mom, no, they’re not slowing down! My blood went cold and I began to scream.

It was like nothing I have ever experienced. The raw panic of knowing the car wasn’t slowing down and the cows weren’t moving. I can still hear the sound of the cows being hit, being bowled over, being smashed here as I lay in my bed. A cow rolled over the top of the smashed Impala. I couldn’t stop screaming. The cows scattered everywhere. The car didn’t start to slow down till after it hit the cows. It slit to a stop. Levi was gone. I couldn’t get out of the car, I was paralyzed with fear. I called 911, hello yes (sobs) where am I? highway 27 (more sobbing) they hit the cows, the cows, they have broken legs, they have to be put down (and more sobbing). I didn’t know that Levi had already called it in. I looked out the window and there stood a cow, by now the police were arriving, the cow stood in the middle of the road with a broken leg, panting so hard it’s tongue has hanging out, shaking. My heart was so broken in so many ways. The pain of knowing that cow’s don’t heal from broken legs, they’re killed if they have broken legs. The pain of knowing that this farmer is going to be awoke to a nightmare. His living, his pets, his passions were smashed along highway 27 in the dead of the night. That farmer had the responsibility to the cattle to make sure they were locked up at night, but he didn’t want this to happen. There is no one you could blame, there was nothing that could have been done at this point, it had happened.

The people were okay, shook up, but okay. An ambulance came to remove glass from the two people, a man and a woman in their mid-twenties. The woman had been driving and was shook up, the man had been asleep. But they were going to be okay. We were all going to be okay.

Levi was so level headed. He did what needed to be done and he did it bravely and well. The people could have been dead. The cow could have pinned them in their car. It easily could have been us. Praise God that everyone is going to be okay.

Words cannot even begin to describe the panic and terror I felt during the accident.

I made it to bed by 2am. The following day was Saturday. We had a funeral to attend. Cancer had taken the life of a vibrant young man in our church. A son, a husband, a father of 2 young boys. Boys that might not even have a memory of their father. Everything was dying, everything was dead. I have cried this weekend like I have never cried before.

Today was good. Church was good. It was a day of rest. But now I can’t sleep. I feel agitated and restless. I can’t fall asleep. I don’t want to watch a movie, I don’t have a book with me to read, and Internet is down. I guess I’ll lay here.

God IS good and I have a lot to be thankful for. But what a weekend…

24 days

We have table decorations! Jewelry is done and ready for purchase! I still need to order shoes. I think now the fun begins. I feel like I can relax a little more and enjoy the last three weeks before the 'big day.' Levi and I cleaned out my apartment last weekend and then I kinda moved back to Villard (I'm not officially out of my apartment till July but it's just too empty now). Not many things are left on the list but I hope they all get done this weekend!

Our Acts class started last night at LCC and I think it's going to be a lot of fun. The people seem nice and the content is very interesting. I'm already looking forward to doing my homework for the week :)

The new iPhone came out on Monday and OOOHHHHH man, I'm already itching to get one :) I think I'll have to talk to AT&T tomorrow to see what can be done about my 2003 krazr (haha)

I went home last night and Rocky our cute Aussie was shaved. I always like the first few days of his summer due. He seems confident and and skinny (what I picture myself as sometimes haha). His big white paws look large and powerful and he seems more energetic. I love listening to my dad say he has to sleep in the house at night because he might freeze, or to keep him in the garage during the first few days because he might get sun burnt (and he actually does). But all in all he looks good, except for his ears which look very much out of place (in a cute way).

Happiness :)

33 days

And the count down is official. So far this weekend I have gotten fitted for my dress, I'm going to pick out jewelry, I picked apart (fake) flowers for the cute flower girl to drop the petals (they have to be fake), I realized I really really NEED to lose 10 pounds, I wrote most my shower thank yous, I started thinking about table decorations, I marked a few things off the list. I don't quite feel accomplished but maybe after this afternoon I'll feel better. The list looks a little less overwhelming. The cost of all the little things that need to be taken care of is crazy. I didn't know it could add up so fast!! This last month is going to be a whole lot of running around (literally and figuratively).

Everything is getting very exciting though! Trying on my dress was a blast and it's absolutely perfect :) I LOVE it. I'm excited about having a lady I know make my jewelry (and the bridesmaids!). It makes it more personal.

Moving things around Levi's house to make it more of my own is fun too. There are pictures to be put up, rugs to be laid down, painting to do, closets to clean, shelves to build and instal. Fun fun fun.

Levi has been great for the most part :) he's usually pretty helpful and willing to offer insight, advise, and opinions. I appreciate that about him.

Although this whole engagement things has been fun and exciting I'm glad this whole ordeal will be over in just over a month. Planning a wedding is stressful! As my friend ML says, it (the wedding) takes on a life of its own and it's like a train out of control. And it has. A trip to St. Cloud with mom should finish up most the undone things. Hopefully in the next week or so. And then I/we will be set. Hooray!

30 some days

The wedding is in less than 40 days. I am slightly panicked to say the least, although I may seem to hold it together pretty well I am freaking out. This is what I have/want/should do in the next 2-3 weeks:

Meet or talk with the DJ
Meet with Susan at Lakeside
Meet with the wedding coordinator at the church
Figure out the accessories for the flower girl
Get together with Cathy from church to do jewelry (YAY!)
Make a dentist app (and go to it)
Make sure all the bases are covered for the bridesmaids
I have 2 showers to attend (WOOT!)
I have a shower to plan
Have my dress altered a little
Get shoes for myself
A 5k
TABLE DECORATIONS (AHHHH!!) ((trip to st cloud))
Lots of thank yous :)

and sooo much more (I know I have more to do because only ONE of my lists is sitting next to me and I have 3 other lists in my backpack)....

I have my weekend booked full, and every weekend for the next 6 weeks! PANIC!
I'll keep you updated on how things are going :)

Chocolate

This morning in class there was a presentation on chocolate. I have never thought much about this tasty treat but this really shocked me and made me think.

This is David West, CEO of Hershey.

This is how he makes his profit.



Try to enjoy your Hershey bar now... Can't.
Knowing that children in slavery (literally they are children and they are actual slaves) are harvesting my cocoa beans in Africa so that I can have a few s'mores on Friday nights is not appealing to me.

Buying Fair Trade chocolate IS important. I didn't see just how important is was until this morning. Supporting Fair Trade products is always important. Coffee is the easiest product to find that is labeled Fair Trade. Just look for one of these signs

These labels are signs that the food you are eating have been grown and produced in a fair manner. Child labor laws were followed and workers were paid a fair price for their produce and treated fairly.

When buying Fair Trade chocolate your producer looks more like this

 than this

Treating people fairly is important. Were people abused for your candy bar? Know your food.